I do not know about you, but every time I search for self-care tips, I get a little depressed. The content online does not quite fit my expectations, or at least it fits them only partially. After a few years of wondering what was missing, I have finally come to the conclusion that as everything in life, the missing piece in the advice was… balance. If you have been reading my posts for a while, you know I am all about balance and, naturally, self-care is no exception to the rule. However, I am not referring to balancing your life as a true form of self-care (though you definitely should), but to having a balanced definition of self-care itself.
The two contradictory definitions of self-care
Definition 1: Practising “self-care” means listening to your intuition and needs and doing whatever you crave. This can take the shape of buying what you please, taking a bubble bath, doing a face mask, watching several episodes of your favourite show, etc. There is often a superficial component to this definition on the internet.
Definition 2: Practising “self-care” means that you go the extra mile and focus on improving yourself daily. This can take the shape of reading self-help books, doing exercises to become the “best version of yourself”, getting involved in exposure therapy, etc.
As you see, the internet tends to dive into one or the other, but we are rarely fed content that goes in-depth into the way these definitions can be balanced for optimal results.
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Building a useful definition for “self-care”
Impact of words on concepts
Some people could argue that the way a word is defined does not imply a drastic change in the effect of the related practice. I would not agree. I have studied literature and philosophy, disciplines in which the weight of the definition plays a key role in the understanding of the concept. Furthermore, I do believe that the way a word is defined not only has power over its meaning, but also on how manageable the activity it refers to is. In the case of “self-care”, it is only by understanding how important it is to find balance that we can actually ensure our willingness to do good (aka go for self-care) is not detrimental. A balanced definition of self-care would thus be:
Definition 3: Practising “self-care” means that you understand the importance of listening to your intuition and cravings, while showing the sufficient amount of self-awareness to know when to get out of your comfort zone (and when not to) and be involved in self-improvement activities
Homework
If this definition, focused on a balanced understanding of the two sides of the concept, suits you, I would advise you take a piece of paper and divide it into two columns:
| Self-care activities to listen to my heart | Self-care activities to improve who I am |
|---|---|
In each category, write as many practical activities you know are beneficial to you. For some, category 1 will be much easier and for others, it will be category 2. The truth is that for most of us, one is much easier than the other, as it reflects our natural tendency. Do not panic, with a little bit of focus you will find elements for the column you are missing the most. The only rule here is to ensure that you have more or less the same amount of elements in each column so that the piece of paper reflects the balance you are aiming for with definition 3.
Then, all you have to do is read the paper every morning and choose when to apply each activity depending on your core feeling. Trust your gut instinct – you know in which category you must pick each day, even when the choice does not seem to be in line with your habits. Your body and heart know what they need to thrive – this is what I call “intuitive living”.
I am one to believe that the way you define a concept plays a huge role in the way you apply it and, most importantly, in the way you benefit from it. Thus, I hope you now have a clearer vision of what self-care may look like to you, so that you may be the most peaceful version of yourself.
The English-speaking Frenchie 